This Day

Today I cleaned the house, went through old papers, etc., etc., --not cleaning the house in the spirit of throwing out the bad, throwing out the old, getting rid of the riff raff--no, it was nothing like that--I wasn't "cleaning house"--I was simply cleaning the house. 

Today I was not frustrated, resentful or sad, I was just me....just regular old me cleaning the house, having a regular old day, like a regular person may have, someone that has a man and a child and has sat the day aside to vacuum, oil the wood furniture and use Windex. I had a full nights sleep and not a drink in days.

To outward appearance and scarily even inward appearance, I was a little June Cleaver-ish today. I even wore classic black ankle pants, heeled black leather sandals and full make-up to my son's martial arts class.  People stared at me, probably not sure if I was the same person that normally brought him. A man stopped me on the street and gave me his card, he wants to photograph me and take me to a boat race. I think he thought I was sane, a great catch and someone to take home to mama, lol.

Well, looks can be deceiving. Although I oddly do feel content with life and myself right now. It is a bit uncomfortable. I feel more at ease stressed out.  I am sexier when I am sad or the brink of something....I think this is all because last night was a good time to heal and face the truth as the moon was in the position to help make this possible.  I was informed of this by someone much more enlightened than me, and I felt she was right. I knew she was. Somehow in my sleep, I ironed out the craziness of this year and made it all make sense, even all the wrong and bad things that have happened and may even continue to happen, somehow I made myself and those around me "okay"....which maybe everything is okay, just maybe....if I didn't think and feel so much all of this could feel so good. Maybe I should let it.